Zoya Ahmed, 33, is going through a messy divorce in Karachi, Pakistan.
Her decision to end the marriage triggered a retaliatory campaign by her husband, who she said filed false police reports, including a criminal complaint alleging an extramarital affair, and triggered property disputes.
“This [extramarital affair case] is very anti-women. The kind of shame I have to face in the courtroom. Our courtrooms are full of men… the way everyone looks at me, it’s a different horror experience.”
Ahmed said sexual incompatibility was one of the reasons why the marriage unraveled.
She noted that her husband mocked and weaponized her desire for intimacy to shame her socially, telling her: “You wanted sex. Now you’ll get it.”
Several of her male friends have been named in the extramarital affair case, further damaging her social standing, she said.
Divorce remains deeply stigmatized across Asia. Even as divorce rates rise in many countries across the region, including India, Pakistan and Indonesia, the fallout for women remains severe.
Financial insecurity and emotional toll
In Pakistan, for instance, divorce is allowed under Islamic law. Married women in the country can initiate divorce proceedings but in many cases they are required to forfeit or return their Haq Mehr (dower) to the husband as compensation for the dissolution of the marriage.
One 34-year-old woman, who asked not to be named, said her attempt at divorce became a prolonged battle after discovering that the khula clause — a legal process for Muslim women to seek divorce — had been removed from her marriage contract.
Even when women retain the right to initiate divorce, the emotional consequences remain dire.
Naveen Notiar, a 40-year-old Pakistani woman now living in the UK, recalled her parents’ divorce. Her mother had insisted on including the khula clause in the marriage contract.
“My grandmother had this conversation with my father’s family about my mother being able to have a right to divorce at the time of when she signed her marriage contract, and my father’s family was fine with it.”
Her mother was later able to dissolve the marriage, but a custody battle followed.
“It’s often believed that a custody battle, or children, is something people can fight over, and it can be used to make a woman’s life hard,” said Notiar.
A 2020 study involving 427 divorced women in Pakistan’s Punjab province found that high rates of depression, anxiety, and stress were common among the women, largely driven by financial insecurity and family backlash.
Some argue that the most difficult part of divorce isn’t always the separation itself, but what follows, particularly around child custody and access.
In Pakistan, legal custody is often granted to the mother, especially when children are young.
Fathers are expected to provide financial support, but visitation is typically left to the mother’s discretion.
Abbas (name changed), a Pakistani father who pays court-ordered child support, said: “The mother and her family have completely cut off contact. It hurts that the children are deprived of the love of their paternal grandparents.”